I left 2 successful marriages.
Hold on a minute. I didn’t always see it this way. I took 20 years and then 9 more for me to appreciate, acknowledge and celebrate the success.
I didn’t leave either marriage intentionally.
It was a complete set up.
And trust me, at the time it was happening it felt like a disaster.
I did not instigate, perpetrate or initiate a plan to leave. I can attest that it felt bad. Really bad. Heart breaking, gut wrenching, sick to my stomach bad. Both times. In fact, divorce number 2 left me literally in bed for 4 years. I cried myself to sleep every single nite and my life existed as me going thru the motions. Doing only what was necessary to get thru. Mourning the loss and solidifying myself deeper into the belief that I was a two time failure was my daily ritual.
Get the picture? It was not pretty.
The only way I thought I could pick myself up out of bed was to keep searching for answers. So I continued on for a few more years looking around outside to other people, coaches, friends, gurus, seminars, new boyfriends, needy men, for the answers.
What I found was more of the same. The more I looked for the solution outside of myself, the more challenging lessons came my way. The more pain I got myself in.
Until the one day, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I guess, it hit me like a bolt of lightening. What happened was what one might call letting go. I could not hold on or go on like this anymore. So came the bolt. BAM! All of that looking and searching had actually led me to the answer. But it wasn’t where I thought.
Me. Myself. I was the answer.
Me and myself held the very thing that I could not find in a relationship with another. It was my relationship with myself that needed the work and loving attention.
This blog is not about whether the men were right or I was right or what was wrong in my marriages. This blog is about the beauty that emerged from those 2 marriages. This blog is about self love, which you can see is my favorite topic of discussion. Because without it, all the other stuff is just fluff. Often we go around thinking we love ourselves, and we do things to prove that love, like manicures, time alone, even taking a stand against situations or people, or we cheer for ourselves. But (big huge but) it’s much more than that. Self love is an art and a practice and a process. It is a created state of being, and when you are being and living from self love, everything falls into it’s perfect place.
My 2 marriages successfully catapulted me into this women that I am today. It presented this discovery of self love to me. And I’m compelled to share it with you.
I can’t take credit for doing this alone. I would never have left either of these marriage without universal intervention. I would have just hung out in fear, playing small, existing, struggling, reacting to whatever. I didn’t “want to” or “plan it” but the universe provided the perfect scenarios to push me to be the best me. Creating situations where I had no options but to leave the marriages. And so I did.
Where some may consider that my marriages failed, I am certain they were successful.
These 2 situations were the beginnings of the process of my transformation.
I could not be more grateful for my husbands and for the profound lessons they carried and delivered. Things had to break apart and tear down for me to be able to build back up into a better version of myself. (And if you find yourself in a sticky situation of divorce or hurt, be kind and gentle with the process. I’ve been divorced for 2o years and 8. I’m not pretending it was an over night success. Things take the time they take and it’s good to be okay with that idea and keep practicing self love)
These men were the messengers bearing huge gifts for me (okay so they didn’t always feel like gifts at the time) and for that, they have my loving respect, gratitude and a forever forged permanent place in my ever expanding heart. Without them, I could not be this woman.
There are no failures.
- the more I can love others
- the more others love me
- the more I feel loved
- the more I can BE love
- the more loving my life looks
- the more loving my life feels
Is there anything else besides love?
Even the Beatles agree with that.
Would you like to learn and experience more self love? Sign up for FREE 21 Day Video Course XSL21: for a life changing dose of Extreme Self Love. All that is required is that you show up and watch a 2 minute video everyday. It’s that simple. To sign up, email firstname.lastname@example.org