I “struggled” for years to understand what it means to “let it go”. “Struggle” was familiar and comfortable. Was it that I was afraid to feel anything else?
I mean after all, I had a lot of experience in the “struggle” arena. It seemed like the place to be, the thing to do. I struggled with food, with weight, with love, with relationships, with money. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?
Somewhere along the way, these ideas got etched in my cells and core being.
But apparently it’s not supposed to be that way. I was told by guru after guru, coach after coach, mentor after mentor, year after year… to just let go. WTF? Really? Let go of what? How do I do that was all I ever asked. The only answer I would get or hear was JUST LET GO. No one told me how, and I for the life of me could not figure it out.
I actually made a tee shirt that says, “I WILL NOT GIVE UP UNTIL I LEARN TO LET GO”.
Wearing that shirt didn’t help the issue. It actually put more pressure on me to work harder until I learned to do it right which I never seemed to learn. Again, a great “struggle” to get this right. UGH!
I just didn’t get it. Until I got it.
TODAY ACTUALLY, WHILE WALKING MY DOGS ON A REALLY LONG WALK. ALL I COULD DO WAS WALK AND THINK and then it happened.
Just like that. As easy as that. With no struggle. Like the flip of a switch.
I realized today that I got it … that I have actually experienced the art of letting go.
“Fuck it” I thought. “I love my life”.
It was this crazy Super Storm Sandy that blew some serious sense into my brain and smashed down those old limiting beliefs of mine that had been hanging on for dear life. She didn’t care. She blew away, strong and fierce and she showed me that my life as it is ~ is really incredibly awesome. (This was a powerful storm that affected the areas I love, my hometown of Staten Island, my beloved NYC, my home in New Jersey and the wonderful Jersey Shore, showing me what really matters).
In this aftermath of the storm with no options but to stay simple and sit for now 6 days with no power and no “taken for granted” amenities in my daily life, I did things differently. I had no choice. Feeling displaced and discombobulated and distraught was such a gift. It made it clear that my life is very PERFECT as it is.
If I could change anything I would not change a thing. Not any struggle, not any person, not any event.
This apparent “lack” that showed up as darkness with no power, no internet, no gas is actually a brilliant gift. It has given me a sense of calm and contrast. It is showing me just how grateful I am for my life, the people, the importance and the simplicity of it.
Walking and petting my pups, drawing pictures for my 7 year old nephew, sitting by candlelight with my girlfriend and talking in the dark, appreciating the numbers of people who reached out to me to see that I was okay, my special amazing inspiring supportive girlfriends, my neighbor who drove me around to find me coffee and left kale chips at my door, my sister who opened her home to me and my two dogs, my wonderful adult children who stepped up and out to help the victims of this storm using their own special talents. It is all amazing and it is crystal clear.
I have finally let go. And I am in full GRATITUDE. I actually love what is.
Maybe that’s the secret of this whole thing. GRATITUDE. I mean real gratitude. Really feeling grateful for every little thing. Because it is the little things that matter after all.
I trust that I am okay. No matter what. That I always have what I need. That God knows more than me. That (s)he’s got it all figured out and set up. That’s (s)he’s truly got my back. That the way it is, is the way it is supposed to be. That it is all good and it is all “right”.
I love my little home as it is, my 52 year old body as it is, my children as they are, my friends as they are, my man with his mirror, my business as it is. It’s all good and it’s all “right”.
I’m letting the Universe take the reigns. It’s done a great job for the last 52 years so I AM done arguing and struggling against it. Now I am willing to hand it over knowing that it is what it is. I don’t have to do a thing. I just have to be. So here I am just being “gratitude” and just being “love” and I’m loving it. Letting go feels good and freeing and “naked”… of course it does…
Oh and thank God too that it’s taken me so long to get the nerve up to get my tattoo. As you know, I told you previously that I would choose the word “STRENGTH” to imprint on my body but that’s different now. GRATITUDE is all there is. For now.
BTW… this is my daughters arm. She beat me to the “punch” or rather to the “tattoo parlor”.
Don’t let me throw all this out there alone. Share with me what you are grateful for and what if any ah-ha’s this storm has gifted you? Use the comment box below.