self love

Your “BUT” has Gotten Way too Big

Yes, my ass is on the line here. I’m the first one to the left. (That’s me in my 2nd figure competition) You may say, not bad for a 53 year old ass, BUT…..

I realized during a recent conversation with a friend that my BUT had gotten way to big.

It was time to pull back and access the situation.

Unless you’re Kim Kardashian, you may not be proud of your big but(t). As a matter of fact, you may not want to admit that you have a huge but(t) that is causing a lot of unnecessary stress to your life.

Take a deep breathe because what I am revealing here may be challenging for you to hear. This self reflection stuff (aka: taking ownership of the things you do) is not aways easy. It takes a big girl to realize she’s got a big BUT(T) standing in her own way.

How often do you catch yourself saying, “I would, BUT….”?

I bet it’s a lot more than you care to admit. Let’s be honest, naked and vulnerable right now. Your big but(t) may be in your way and holding you back from living your fullest and best life.

There are 2 ways that your big but(t) can hold you back. One is physically and one is emotionally.

Let us address the physical BUTT first.

If you are feeling that your butt is too big, you’re being self critical and most likely not participating in extreme self love and care. When you truly embrace self love and treat yourself from that loving place, you don’t pick on your body parts.

You don’t compare them or judge them. When you are fully in the process of extreme self love and care, you treat your body with respect. Not only in what you think about it, but also in how you talk about it, refer to it and feed it.

Extreme self love allows you to practice acts of kindness towards your body.

Consciously choose food that is good for you and treat your precious body well. When you eat healthy whole unprocessed foods (I call these naked food), your body responds well.

Continued eating in this loving style brings you easily and gently to your perfect weight. Perfect because deep down you’ve lightened up knowing that you have treated your body temple with the divine care it deserves. It’s a great feeling when the scale, the numbers and the size no longer matter. Being true to yourself is the only thing that counts.

So where in your life are you allowing self sabotage, self denial, lack of self care and love?

What has to change for you to put your self love first?

Let’s address the emotional BUT.

This one is a true pain in the BUT(T). When you suffer from this, you create big ass blocks to the things you really want.

Because putting a “BUT” into your command sentence allows you to play it small. The thing you attach to the end of your “BUT” holds power over you.

It has the perfect amount of power to stop you from getting the very thing you say you want. There’s one reason we use this BUT for stopping us. It’s because you are afraid. You’re afraid of that thing you want either because you don’t believe enough in yourself to think you can have it or you’re scared you’ll look stupid if you don’t actually succeed.

Either fear based reason butts you right up against a wall and stops you.

Using my body building figure competition as an example, I had a very big BUT staring right at me. Here’s how it sounded.

“I want to enter a figure competition…

but I’m too old,
but I have too much weight to lose
but I’ve never done it before
but what if I start and I can’t finish
but what if I look like an idiot on that stage?

I could have easily picked anyone of these 5 but’s and hung on to them. They could have worked as a grandiose excuse and opportunity to play my life small. Today instead of writing this blog, I would be wishing I had done it and filled with a whole lotta regrets.

Thankfully I did not attach myself to the fear and instead I let go of the “but”.

I stepped up on my stage!

That one moment of the baring of the butt, transformed my life in ways I could not have imagined at the time. What appeared to be a physical transformation ( and it was) was more profoundly a spiritual AH-HA.

I would be an ass, (sorry I couldn’t help myself) if I let you off the hook here.

Ask yourself what it is you want for yourself if you could just do it without any asinine excuse getting in your way.

Where in your life do you let your “BUT” interfere?

What would happen if you deleted that concept from your vocabulary list?

How would your life improve?

What scary thing would you step into?

I love self reflective questions.

In my Happiness Intensive Program, questions are key. How else do you get the answer if you don’t ask the question?

Scary is good…even though it sure doesn’t feel it at the time. Things that scare you are like a set of keys for opening all kinds of doors that lead to opportunities.

For me, standing on that stage, was the catalyst for publishing my book, Sleeping Naked After 4o, and the basis for what I share with you now.

If your self conversation is stuck in the fear zone and loves to talk you out of things that set your soul on fire, check out the Happiness Intensive. Because I belief with all my heart that

When we get to the naked truth of who you are and what you are here to do, happiness follows every time!

I hope I’ve inspired you to do something that scares you,

Say Goodbye to your Evil Step Sisters, Woulda, Coulda and Shoulda

These three relentless undying siblings are the secret to your pain, angst and regret. When we direct our attention to the things we did that we wish were different, we set ourselves up for suffering.

The evil ones are intently waiting on your every move for the opportunity to dance at your pity party. They are standing in full out garb ready to make it a full-on Dance of the Dead sequel. These zombies of regret aren’t pretty.

You can always conjure up the thing that you did that you coulda done differently. You can always conjure up what you woulda done differently if “this or that” or “he or she” did something different. You can always conjure up what you shoulda done, once your hindsight is 20/20.

Now that you know this, it’s time to say goodbye (kinda like unfriending them on Facebook). Your life is by invitation only. You’re the one sending out the invitations. You get to choose who you hang out with. So leave them behind and let’s get this party started without them.

What can you do to stop regrets from creeping in?

Maybe you coulda, maybe you woulda, and maybe you shoulda. The fact is that you didn’t. You can’t go back and change any of that. But what you can change is the way you look at it from the vantage point of right now.

Life is filled with lessons. This is how we grow. It’s for our soul growth that lessons present themselves to us like little hidden gifts. Our life lessons take us closer to knowing who we really are.

Lessons are constantly coming but if you learn from them, they won’t need to be repeated.

I lost my home 10 years ago, and spent many years mourning that loss. Even now, when the moon of regret is full, that nasty one, Shoulda, rises up for a quick visit. She reminds me that I shoulda been more careful. I shoulda been smarter. I shoulda got a job. I shoulda set it up differently.

You get the point…

If you want to be happy, you have to tell her to go away.

You have to choose not to hang with her or let her drag you down.

So what do you do when you have one or all of these three sister’s rearing their ugly heads and ranting in your ear?

Put your earplugs in and your blinders on and look forward

… and you keep looking forward, and you keep looking forward and toward your light. Pay no attention to those haunting voices. Your attention feeds them. However, if you don’t pay them any mind, they get tired and they go away.

Take a deep look at what you did learn and write it down

… include a list of all the golden gifts you received. For me, using my house example, I learned that it was my lack of self love that led me to that messy financial situation. It was my lack of self love that caused me to have to give up my home. I learned that a house does not define me but being at home with myself does. My gift is this lesson and it’s a big one.

So it’s okay… and I’m okay.

I want you to be okay with things that happened in your past. Give yourself the gift of putting your past to rest – allowing your present to be at peace.

Practice doing something different when your evil step sister visits with her haunting voice. How can you find the gift?

Once you find the gift, it works like kryptonite, and her voice loses all power over you.

Let’s get this party started!

Psst…one more thing. If you’re serious about putting the past really behind, I put together something to help you. I can help you amp up your happiness with the Happiness Intensive.

I believe happiness is the result of owning the gifts you’ve been given.

That can be challenging when the threesome is holding you down. In this course, (and it’s 2 weeks of really digging in) we’ll get to the naked truth of who you are. Once you embrace that, nothing can hold you back.

I’ve seen it over and over again, happiness follows every time. Come on over and check it out.

To your freedom and your happiness,

xx00,

Soul Growth Lessons

Soul growth lessons don’t always come in boxes. This time though, my soul lesson came with a truck full of them.

For the past 2 years, 80% of my material belongings lived in a storage unit.

Due to a certain circumstances beyond my control, (the details aren’t the important part of the story, so I’ll keep it short for the sake of your time) I was forced to move from my apartment. It was a quick and unexpected exit so storage seemed the best option for this transition time. Only a few items remained with me.

I spent months crying over not having my stuff. Always seeming to be needing the thing that I couldn’t get to.

It took time to process what happened and make decisions on what I wanted for my life. Two years to be exact! In those 2 years, I got to feel what it felt like to be without my “beloved stuff”.

The good news is that I survived.

The other good news is that I learned huge lessons along the way as part of the bigger plan. Patience, compassion, forgiveness were on top of that list. Shockingly, me the woman with hundreds of shoes, realized that I don’t “stuff” to be happy.

This week, I consciously chose to reunite with my belongs and take them out to be with me.

While it felt like a fun shopping spree to peak in the boxes at what I hadn’t seen in 2 years, my state of happiness didn’t change.

When large events happen in our life, there in that moment we get to learn more about ourselves. The move out 2 years ago was very traumatic for me. I’ve moved many times in my life and most of them not for happy reasons. I could have allowed this move to shift my consciousness back to the trauma of why I moved.

But this time was different. I chose to break that old pattern and to do it differently.

This was a great move. It was great because I chose to make it that way. I chose to make it a fun adventure and not attach meaning to any of it.

How cool that we get to do that! With the gift of free will, we always have the opportunity to choose differently. That’s what I call freedom.

The challenges you currently face may feel hard right now. If you dig a little deeper and allow the lesson to come to the surface, you’ll understand that all was divinely guided.

You’ll realize that lessons come for your soul’s growth. That self reflection enhances your spiritual growth and well being.

I am so grateful for all of it, for the rediscovery of my books and shoes and clothes that I had forgotten about. But mostly for the profound lesson that happiness resides inside of me; not in any material object that I have or don’t have in my possession.

Has there been a challenging time in your life, where you realized the lesson was your biggest gift?

I hope there was something here for you. Share and comment below.

Psst… remember, your only job is to light up the world with your brilliance. Get on it!

The 30 day CONSCIOUS diet

The 30 day CONSCIOUS diet.

This is a special diet for mental and physical strength. A wonderful self loving gift to give yourSelf as you chose to be more conscious in your life in all main areas.

Why would I need this ?

YOU MAY NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU NEED… and that’s okay.

It’s okay if the only thing you want is to feel better.

Don’t panic. This will be an adventure. Unlike a traditional diet, the only thing you give up are the things that no longer serve your highest and best self. The space you create by giving up the thing that don’t work for you can be filled in with new exciting things that bring you joy. You will not feel deprived, you will feel free! This course is guaranteed to change your current state to better.

How do I know if this course is for me ?

The Conscious Diet will take you from where ever you are now to where you want to be in each one of these major areas of your life: your food, your space, your place and your relationship.

It’s perfect for you if:

1) you feel stuck and just can’t seem to make a move on anything

2) you have so many areas you’re not sure which to work on first

3) you’re not even sure where the problem is you just know you don’t feel right

4) you just want to be happy and can’t imagine why you’re not

How does it work ?

Whether it’s extra weight you’re carrying around, stressful environment weighing you down, unsatisfying work that drains you, challenging relationships that stress you out, at the end of the 30 days, you will look at these things in a whole new way.

You will be set in motion with a blank canvas so you can begin to create what you want for yourSelf. This “diet” is guaranteed to shift you. You will experience physical changes in your body as you uplevel the food you take in along with mental changes uplevel your thinking and begin to look at things in a different way.

In only 30 days (or 4 weeks) we will focus on one topic each week and you will develop a path that works for you… not for me. FOR YOU. The plan is yours. You can’t get it wrong or screw up the course. This is your personal journey and the opportunity to learn and to be supported by others on a similar path.

How much work is it, because I don’t feel like I have a lot of time to devote?

The course is really simple, and there are only 3 easy steps in order to participate fully. I’ve made it super easy to do, so that you’ll do it. It’s being courageous enough to take the first step that will bring your desire to you. The results of what you learn won’t end at the end of 30 days because you will be forming new habits and new ways of being and acting in your life.

The real meat of the program comes from how you ACT in your life from the techniques and skills you will learn.

Listen to the lesson (20 minutes once a week) on audio mp3, in your car or on your phone, at your convenience.
Complete the corresponding exercises in the Conscious Diet Workbook (10 minutes a day)
Join the live group call for questions and sharing (30 minutes once a week)

What areas will I be working on?

We will focus on four major areas of your life, one each week, putting conscious awareness of each one of them.

From where you are now to where you want to be, you will get clear on how to close the space between.

Week #1) Your food – what are you taking into your body?

The food you choose and your food shopping experience will be addressed. You will learn how to choose better foods without depriving yourself of anything you want. You will become aware of your eating habits and how to make eating a pleasurable, enjoyable, nourishing experience. You will understand how you eat is just as important as what you eat. You will begin to create a love connection to your body.

Week #2) Your space – how you feel in your home, office, room?

Your space and where you hang is important to the way you feel. You will listen to your space and become aware of how it feels to be in it. What are the things you are tolerating? What can you improve?

You’ll get clear and create the steps of change that will keep you excited and looking forward to making your space a sacred space.

Week #3) Your place/career/calling – are you doing what you love or loving what you do?

What does a day in your life look like now? What would a dream day look like? You will get clear on what you want and how to create magic moments that build a magical life. You’ll discover what it would take to either fall in love with what you are currently doing or begin doing what you love. You will begin to create a new paradigm and belief system around your limiting believes that stop you dead in your tracks, stopping you from what is possible.

Week #4) Your relationship – is your connection with a significant person (this can be any person) in your life fulfilling or does it need some love?

Relationships teach us the most about love and life. You will choose a significant relationship that you would like to be different. You’ll understand what you are bringing to the table and how you can get what you feel is missing. You will uncover and discover some wonderful things about yourSelf and your participation in this relationship.

How does the course work?

The 30 day CONSCIOUS diet offers guidance, accountability, support and a glorious opportunity to change how each area is working for your highest good.

You get :

4 weekly lessons on an audio mp3 sent you at the beginning of each of the 4 weeks. You can listen on your phone, at your desk, always at your convenience. You can also download the mp3 for future reference if you want to listen again. These lessons are about 20-30 minutes.

A 4 part e-workbook, for responding to the questions from the weeks lesson and recording any questions you have for yourself.

Dial in for group call, live each week offering accountability and support. A beautiful place to converse and connect. I will be leading the call, and together with other participants you will discuss and share progress and challenges.

Private Facebook group where you can connect with other women, have some light conversation, share successes, recipes, feel safe, and be inspired and motivated in a group of likeminded Goddesses on a similar journey.

How much does it cost?

Early registration is only $159 if you sign up by January 30. The cost will go back to $197 on February 1.

How do I sign up ?

Email [email protected] and say: “I WANT TO SIGN UP!” and I will sent an invoice to pay on line and start the process of receiving your course.

What happens after I sign up ?

Once your registration is complete, you will receive an email along with the calendar dates for the 4 live calls. ( There are multiple options for the call in times and they will be recorded for your convenience if you must miss one) You will also receive your e-workbook download which you can print out. Your Facebook invite will come to you via Facebook, so please be on the look and accept to join.

What if it doesn’t work?

It will.

I guarantee that you will change for the better. In 30 days you will thinking of your life in a different way and on a new path that feels friggin’ invigorating, freeing and exciting.

Label Limitations

A label tells you what’s inside. They can be somewhat useful if the item is a box of oreo cookies. But even then, labels lie. A label is the only the perception of person slapping it on.

I am anti-labels. I’m just not a fan of them. I don’t eat food with labels, define my relationships by them or stuff myself into a category of any kind. Labels limit you to the definition you attach to the label.

I am not just this or that. I am many things. I am no-thing.

And the one thing that continues to irk me when I hear it used as a reference to define my age is this one:

Hello “woman of a certain age”! Grrrr…..Each article, ad, or post that passes my way causes me to cringe.

What the heck does that mean anyway ?

So I turned to my friend google for some answers and oh boy, did she provide an array. None of which make the matter better. The Oxford English Dictionary defined that sense of certain as “which it is not polite or necessary further to define.”

The phrase was re-popularized in a 1979 book by the psychotherapist Lillian B. Rubin, “Women of a Certain Age: The Midlife Search for Self,” in which midlife spanned 35 to 54. OH crap! Where is that gonna put me now that I am 55? Does it catapult me into another category which will then define what I should and shouldn’t be able or willing to do – because of that number?

SO STOP IT. I am not this or that woman of a certain anything.

The only thing that is certain is that

I AM WHAT I AM.
and WHAT I AM IS AMAZING.

No matter what the number on my certificate indicates.

I don’t do numbers, sizes or ages.

Can we as women choose to be amazing at every turn, juncture, step and mis-step?

Can we change our minds about aging? Embrace the changes. Enjoy the changes. Welcome the changes. Because they’re coming. Botox Babes and Surgery Sisters beware ~ you are not stopping the inevitable.   Instead of trying so hard to change your body, change your mind… do good things for yourself, treat yourself well with food, and doses of fun, and tons of fabulous to all areas of your life.

Age is a only a mindset. At a certain age you understand this. And when you do, you stay young because you do what you love and what you want without the restrictions. (and fyi, the only one that can restrict what you do or designate it “age appropriate” is you – it’s all made up and it’s all up to you).

I don’t do age “appropriate”.

I often forget how many years I have been around until I do the math and even then I usually miscalculate the addition.

Because I feel what I feel. I don’t feel OLD.

To be clear. Is my body changing? YES. Is my mind changing? YES. My body is experiencing different and and my mind is experiencing different. Is that bad thing? Or is it just a thing?

I’m taking a page from my Dad’s book of life. That man has no concept of how things “should” be. He rocks amazingness. He’s on no meds, has a full time career in NYC, takes public transportation to get there, works the nite and holiday shifts, lifts weights daily, keeps a daily food journal, has a boys nite ‘in’ (watching movies) with high school friends, is GCing the addition on his home, and doing all the physical work and has 3 girl friends. Oh and he’s 74, if you are keeping score.   SO.. when I say “Dad ~ What is your secret? He smiles and says, I can’t hear you, that’s my deaf ear. I just smile back because the truth is that he can’t hear me. He doesn’t understand the question? To him there is no secret, he’s not aware of any other way of being.

He is just being who is with no attachment to any ideas, excuses or reasons he can’t.

What’s the motto of this story? Lose your attachment to the aging and anti-aging thing. Stop trying not to age. Stop defining yourself by what should happen at a certain number.

One thing I know for certain… this woman is all that. All that she is meant to be. I am that I am.

I invite you to think about who you are? By what definition are you willing to define yourself? Can you remove the label you’ve placed there? And can you remove the limiting beliefs that you’ve set for yourself ?

Can you stand tall and proud and say

“I AM ALL THAT I AM . AND all that I am is amazing. “

Count On This Self Love Practice

You can count on this self love practice.

This Love-You-Tensil works for you!

The more you remind yourSelf, the quicker you form a new habit. Taking this one small step will result in huge changes in how you think and feel.

WATCH THIS 50 SECOND VIDEO INSTRUCTIONS for HOW TO.

I know you can count and you can count on this.

Hey, if you love this idea, there’s much more in #XSL21, the 21 day self love course and it’s my gift to YOU! Start here to sign up.